Preface to Light Sleeper

The following is a preface to a long fictional work in progress.

At the end of May 2023, I watched fourteen short films issued in English under the series title The Forbidden Files. First released over a twenty-one-year period as Les Documents Interdicts by French filmmaker Jean Teddy Filippe, they were made by various people, and the series starts off as one kind of filmmaking and ends as another. Some of the films are decades old—going as far back as the nineteen forties—and are what we would call found footage: they possess the grainy canvas and staccato tempo we associate with amateur work, though parts of the narration, I am guessing, were composed by Filippe and superimposed. Others in the series are documentaries that attempt to blur the distinction between the real and the concocted.

Over the course of about two hours, the films recount odd incidents, such as disappearances, alien abduction, experiments on humans, superhuman prowess, and witchcraft. These have a curious quality, as if a large hand had plunged down in time, scooped out these fragments, and tendered them for our consideration. One film, The Examination, is especially disturbing as it purports to document a case of impersonation that results in adultery and murder. Filippe seems to have selected short films that record inexplicable events without coming to a satisfactory conclusion, as if to say that definitive explanations are not possible in the real—found—world.

The most curious is perhaps The Madman of the Crossroad, about a Hungarian immigrant named Tibor Nagy, who arrived in the U.S. in the fifties and opened a mechanic’s shop. He spoke no English and did not master the language until decades later. One day in April 1954, Tibor took his wife and their young daughter on a long drive, carrying his camera, as was his custom on such trips.

According to the account he provided later, they were on the old road connecting their town (Cape Town) with the one they intended to visit (Woolworth), when a large shadow fell over the car. Its mechanical functions ceased, and shortly after, the car materialized in a large, round room vibrating gently. They were in the white interior of a spaceship, and a man approached them. Wearing a helmet that covered his face, the man communicated with Tibor telepathically, telling him he could film anything but the ship’s interior. Through the windows, Tibor and his family saw they were flying above the moon, and he recorded their flight with his camera until he ran out of film. After being returned to Earth, Tibor shared his extraordinary journey, drawing the attention first of reporters and then of a congressman, Senator William Lowley, who formed a “board of enquiry” and held a hearing. Translated by an interpreter, Tibor testified in Hungarian, and the board concluded that his account was fabricated. The whole thing, they declared, was a hoax designed to draw attention to Tibor and thereby benefit his garage business.

Despite this and the scorn heaped on him by the press and some of his neighbors, Tibor steadfastly insisted that what he said was true. The Madman of the Crossroad ends in 1990 with him welcoming a small group of believers into his garage. Designated an “exclusion zone” by the town, the garage still stands, though it is unoccupied. About twenty people—including a few who are too young to have been alive in 1954—enter the vacant structure as if it were a shrine, and Tibor projects on a screen the images he captured that day. The audience regards him reverentially, believing his incredible experience was an encounter with God. The final frame of The Madman of the Crossroad acknowledges the Hungarian Emigrants Association for its help in making the film.

As I write this, I am sitting at a square table at a coffeeshop, two men at a table to my left and rock music blaring over our heads. The men are chatting animatedly and are wearing snug navy-blue T-shirts; a cursory glance tells me they might be firemen. Having watched The Forbidden Files many hours ago, I now feel it is a mix of authentic footage and studio-produced film, but the why of it is missing. Was it meant to be a riddle, a joke whose absurdity is designed to make us doubt reason, the way we think, so that we might happen on the truth in an irrational way?

Most of the subjects of The Forbidden Files are gone, unable to add their thoughts. The diver who was dragged into the sea and washed back onto shore five weeks later. The friend who was summoned by an irresistible music and disappeared. The sawmill worker whose severed arm was replaced with an ugly but powerful prosthesis. The boy who could move objects telekinetically. The scientist who performed an autopsy on an alien. The townspeople who rose up against a witch whose large hacienda vanished overnight. The witch herself. Miguel, a guide who took a journalist to a landscape of barren rock and phantoms and became a ghost himself.

Only one thing remains after watching the films: Tibor’s conviction that what he experienced was real. With that in mind, I have tried to fashion a story of elements that compose an extraordinary tale of faith. I dedicate it to Tibor and other innocent believers.

On Missile Alerts, Smartphones, and Dangers of the Digital Age

The following is a transcript of an interview I did with Patrick McAndrew for his then-titled podcast series Ships (now called Relate). The transcript is the result of diligent efforts by my good friend and fellow writer Mary Archer. As indicated by the brackets and some ellipsis points, Mary and I did a bit of editing to make the text read more smoothly. A link to the interview can be found on the Presentations page.

INTRO [min. 0:00-3:09]

This is episode number 087 of the Ships podcast with Pat Matsueda. Welcome to Ships! My name is Pat McAndrew and I am a professional actor, speaker, and coach. In every episode we discuss a message related to the most important “vessels” in our lives. Thanks for being here today; now let’s set sail!

Hello everybody, welcome to today’s episode of Ships. I have a very special guest joining us on the show today. Her name is Pat Matsueda, and she is the managing editor of Manoa: An International Literary Journal, published twice a year by the University of Hawaiʻi Press. She is very interested in the effects of rapid technological advancement on human behavior, especially ethical behavior and identity. You can find out more about her work at www.someperfectfuture.com.

So you might be wondering why I’m specifically excited to have Pat on the show today. Well, not only does she share my name, but she was one of the early supporters of my work when I was writing about these topics, when I was really doing a lot of research and giving my two cents into what I thought, and how I believed we could cultivate meaningful connections. She and I connected and really bonded, and she became a strong supporter of the mission that I was pursuing. And, she also brings a lot of value into this space, specifically as a writer.

We talk about how writing condenses experience and thought, and why this is specifically important in today’s digital age. We discuss how technologies have the ability to create alternate realities, how smartphones can amplify problems that we experience in our lives, and also, how it is important to remember that we are adequate, we are enough without technology. We also discuss that morality should be clean of bias, and that we need to structure our lives with some sort of moral foundation in order to have a better and deeper understanding of who we are.

So if you like this episode, please share it with a friend. Maybe share it with someone who, they're not quite sure who they are. I mean, all of us are always trying to figure out who we are; it’s this never-ending path. So if you know someone who this will resonate with, send it their way. So without further ado, let me please introduce Pat Matsueda.

INTERVIEW [min. 3:20 begin]

PATRICK MCANDREW Hello everybody, welcome back to the Ships podcast. Today our guest is Pat Matsueda. Pat, thank you so much for being with us today.

PAT MATSUEDA Oh, thank you so much for inviting me. I’m so honored.

MCANDREW I’m really excited to dive into this conversation. When I was really starting out my work in talking about the influence that technology is having on us, is having on human relationships, you were really one of the first people to engage with my content, to really be proactive in this conversation. And you have this really incredible career as a writer that I think is incredibly crucial in today’s digital age. I think that writing about these topics is super important, and writing in general is just a very powerful way to engage in conversation. So, for all those reasons, I definitely wanted to bring you out on the show, and I'm really excited to have you here.

MATSUEDA Oh, thank you so much. I think I’m blushing from those words, Pat.

[Both laugh]

MCANDREW: Well, I’m wondering if maybe you can start off by telling our listeners a little bit about yourself. Maybe where you're from and what led you onto the journey that you're pursuing today.

MATSUEDA Oh okay. First of all, I’m a Japanese-American. My father was in the Air Force. He went to Japan and met my mother, and they started a family. Unfortunately, their marriage didn't go well, so my mother brought my sister and me to Hawaiʻi—where my father was from—to connect with his parents. So that's a big part of my identity, and I started writing about it when I was quite young, in my early twenties. And I found that writing gave me a big chunk of my identity, so I'm what you might call a Japanese-American writer. But I'm really interested in issues that go far beyond ethnicity and race and things like that. I’m really interested in the whole scope of the humanities. And when I saw your post on the Humane Tech Community forum, I thought, Well, here’s someone who’s starting out in this area just as I am, and maybe we can offer each other something. So that’s why I wrote to you, and I was really happy that you responded.

MCANDREW Oh yeah, it was certainly great to have that collaboration going. And I think with this type of work, in talking about technology and its impact on how we relate and communicate to one another, I think that collaboration is of the utmost importance. So, I was really glad that we ended up connecting. And given your immense experience as a writer--from starting out from your experience as a Japanese-American, to all the wide variety of topics that you have written about--why do you believe writing is such a powerful medium, and why do you believe it’s powerful especially in today’s digital age?

[6:47]

MATSUEDA Well, that’s a great question. First of all, I think writing condenses experience and thought. That’s what makes it powerful. Each word in connection with the following word creates a reality. And that reality can be very powerful—and persuasive. It’s sort of like writing a play: since you're an actor, you know how deep, how enthralling plays can be.

MCANDREW Oh, absolutely.

MATSUEDA And we each find our voice through our writing. And so, we have a combination of voice--a particular voice, an individual voice--and the power of writing, the concentration of experience and thought. And then, when we share that writing, we’re able to connect with others. One thing that the Humane Tech Community gave me, which is where you and I met, is this opportunity to connect with strangers: people that I didn't know but with whom I had shared values, but more importantly had shared goals. We’re all moving towards the same things: trying to help each other, trying to clarify this very confusing world that we live in, and trying to come up with solutions, healing solutions.

MCANDREW Yes, I couldn’t agree more with you on that. I think that, what is great about the online world and the internet is that it does allow you to meet people that you probably wouldn't have met otherwise. I mean, take for example you and I: both Pats with an m last name! [laughter] We wouldn’t have had the opportunity to connect and meet one another if it weren’t for the internet. And I think that writing has a very specific place in the internet as well, because we are able to see what other people have written, whether it’s an article or a blog post or any other sort of written medium on the web. And, we’re able to take that and really dissect it, and then also add in our own voice as well, with regards to commenting or even liking a post. So it’s kind of interesting how we can have that sort of conversation. And, that really leads me into my next question--regarding what got you interested in writing about technology and its influence on human behavior.

[9:38]

MATSUEDA Well, that is another good question. I wasn’t interested in the issues of digital technology--surveillance, invasion of privacy and so forth--until I read an article that appeared in the New Yorker. And this article is actually about a filmmaker, an artist like you and me, Laura Poitras, who made the film Citizenfour, which is about Edward Snowden.

So, as I read that, I understood why she was so drawn to her subject, why she risked so much to tell the story of Edward Snowden. And then I also understood why he was risking so much to share what he had discovered with Americans and other citizens around the world. I think it was the power of that commitment—the degree of danger and risk—that made a very terrific impression on me.

And I suddenly saw everything differently: a microphone was no longer an innocent microphone, a smartphone was no longer innocent. These things had the power to create false identities for us if they were manipulated. They had the power to intrude on our private lives. They had the power to create valid realities that we didn’t create ourselves, and so forth… I’m afraid I’ve become a little bit tiresome, because I do rail against smartphones so much. I'm not sure if you read that piece I wrote about the false missile attack that happened in Hawaiʻi a couple years—

MCANDREW Yes! I’m wondering if for our listeners out there, if you could tell that story for us, because it really is a powerful story. I think our listeners would enjoy hearing about it.

[11:54]

MATSUEDA Well, a couple years ago…there was… There’s an agency of the state government that sends out alerts if Hawaiʻi citizens are endangered. So, one member of that office mistakenly sent out an alert telling everybody in Hawaiʻi that a missile, a Korean missile, was heading towards Hawaiʻi. And, of course, such missiles travel long distances extremely fast, so that this created a huge panic in Hawaiʻi. Many people--the people with smartphones--suddenly saw this alert on their smartphones. And the TV stations, radio stations, started broadcasting the same message. And, if you can imagine, Hawaiʻi has terrible traffic problems—

MCANDREW Oh, I bet.

MATSUEDA And this happened in the morning. People were suddenly leaving their jobs, trying to get to their families, trying to connect with their families… I really feel that smartphones amplified the problem. It didn’t allow us that really critical, crucial time between something happening, and then evaluating it. People just reacted immediately. They panicked; they screamed. I think one man even… it even triggered a heart attack for one man—

MCANDREW Wow.

MATSUEDA —who felt that he wouldn’t see his family again. So, that's a case where digital technology actually harmed people. And there was a lot written about it, you know; it was in the news for days and days. And then, the person who was responsible for the alert--he eventually came out and explained what had happened. He said that he did what he did in response to something that happened in his office. So, you know, we had the so-called culprit but really what was wrong was the system. So, attempts have been made to correct that, and I really hope that doesn't happen again—but as someone pointed out in the newspaper, we get false alerts all the time. So, we have to control not only the technology--the protocols, procedures, and so forth--but we also have to control ourselves.

[15:01]

When I [was heading out of my] building, I went down the elevator, I walked into the lobby, and there were people who were panicking and they were being led to the basement of our building. So I came back upstairs. I thought about things. I thought, “Is this really happening? Okay, what do I do if it is happening?” So I just sat on my bed with my cats and my love and I thought, “Well, let me enjoy these last few minutes of my existence.”  

MCANDREW Wow.

MATSUEDA Well, those moments passed. Those minutes passed and I thought, “Okay... I think I’ll— [laughing] I think I’ll connect to the internet and see what’s going on.” And the first thing I found was that it was a false missile alert. And I thought about all the people who had panicked, and I thought that we can’t just experience this, we’ve got to learn from it: what is the lesson here, you know; what can we teach each other, how can we help each other. So then, that’s what happened that day.

MCANDREW It’s amazing how much of a blind trust we as a society have in technology. If something pops up on our phone, maybe a notification, whether it's from social media, or whether it's from a news outlet, we are so quick to believe what it is that's happening, or what it is that’s—you know, going on, that's supposedly being said in the online world, and we take that as reality. And it's really amazing—just like in this situation you just described—how often it is not actually true.

MATSUEDA Yeah. Well, we know that world leaders use digital technology to create false realities, and we’ve somehow got to see past them, and be aware of these attempts at manipulation—they’re extremely harmful. I’ve been following the news: I subscribe to the Washington Post, and I can barely stand to look at the front page nowadays. It’s too upsetting. So I have to pick and choose what kind of reality do I want to live in, how do I respond to the political situation in the U.S. What can I—is there any way at all I can support people in Australia whose homes are burning? So I have to think hard about these things—and because I have a humanities education, a humanities background and mindset, I go back to those lessons. And I think that’s a really powerful thing that people can do. This is why I admire what you are doing: you're creating that foundation, you're helping to strengthen it, and we really need that to go into the future. We can't just be holding on to our cell phones, you know, as we wait for the days to pass.

[18:22]

MCANDREW Yeah, I absolutely agree with you on that. And I think that our habits, our relationships with our phones—they seem so minuscule. I mean, even though this phone is at our sides all of the time—when we look at the phones, or if people are looking at notifications, or social media, in that moment it seems like such a small thing, but those small things really add up to a really big thing. So much so, that we don't know what is real from fake, and we are losing the ability to be able to communicate with one another in a deep and meaningful way.

MATSUEDA Yeah. That is so true.

MCANDREW With that said, I mean, I think that you're touching upon this already a little bit, but what would you say are your biggest concerns when it comes to technology today, or the tech industry—and how does being a writer help in these times?

MATSUEDA Well, one thing that I saw recently was that fake identities are being created on dating sites. So, I don't know if it matters to people that they're talking to real people or not—real men and women or they’re happy to engage with a bot—but I think this is really disturbing. We have five senses, and they allow us to exist in this world. And when those senses are manipulated by digital technology, and we develop relationships with these fake people—I think we’re really diminished, we’re handicapped in some way. I think as you said, we can no longer tell what’s fake and what's real. And that’s such a fundamental survival tactic that we need: we need to be able to tell the fake from the real. We need to be able to connect with people in a genuine, feeling way. We need those things. Maybe that message gets eroded by digital technology, especially the marketing aspect of it. You know: “You need this phone, you must get the latest phone because it has this feature, it has that feature.”

[21:00]

MCANDREW I recently talked to a woman--she was actually going to be on the podcast as well—her name is Anya Pechko. And, we recently had a discussion, and she was talking about how tech communicates this message that we are not enough unless we have this technology, and that really got me thinking. And, to kind of go off of your point about the marketing messages that we’re receiving: they’re really working on us on a subconscious level without us realizing it. And then, we instinctually tell ourselves, “Oh, okay, we need this tech, we need it because society says that we need it.” But when you take a step back and really analyze the situation, you realize, “Oh, actually, perhaps I’m more of myself when I’m away from this technology.”

MATSUEDA Yeah, exactly. I think we need to find that we are adequate. And now, young people, of course, are different because they’re developing [physically, emotionally, and psychologically]: they’re learning, they’re being educated, and so forth. So, they need to be guided in the right way, and just handing them a smartphone and saying, “Honey, this is a great tool for you; use it 24/7 and your life will be wonderful.” I mean, that is really harmful.

MCANDREW It is, it is. I'm wondering if we could dive in a little bit more with regards to your writing. I'm wondering if there are specific stories that you come upon, very much like the one that you just discussed with regards to the false missile in Hawaiʻi. Are there specific stories that inspire you to write?

MATSUEDA Well, that is a good question. I’m going to say this m word which most people avoid these days, but it's a fundamental concept in the humanities. And that m word is “morality.” I think morality is what can be used to harm people, as we've seen in the way certain religious leaders have conducted themselves. But, we’ve got to develop a morality, I think, that is clean of bias and intent to harm and dominate people. And I think that's what I'm trying to do in my writing: I'm very drawn to stories about people who find themselves in situations where they must choose, they must make a moral choice.

I wrote this book called Bedeviled, which is based on the story of someone I know who became kind of trapped in these adult sites that he was visiting, and he went to them to satisfy needs that weren’t being satisfied in his real life. And gradually, he was willing to sacrifice more and more for these sites: sacrifice time with his family, work more so that he would have more money so that he could spend it on these sites, and so forth.

And in that story, in that book, his daughter reappears in his life. His daughter had left the family because she had some emotional and mental problems. And then one day, he finds that she has left a message on his cellphone. He listens to the message, he goes to where she is, and he picks her up and takes her with him to this place that he’s staying at. And gradually, by caring for her and helping her to recover from the mess that she’s in, he gradually strengthens himself.

And there’s a point in the book where he has a chance to get his old laptop back, but it’s been cleaned off at this point. And he thinks about the temptations that will come with having this laptop, so he decides to implement certain safeguards. He’ll only use it in the living room of the house where he’s staying--he’s staying with this family. He'll only do certain things on it. He’ll let the people that he’s staying with--this mother and her son--he’ll let them set the moral standard. And at the end of the book—sorry, is it okay if I tell the ending?

MCANDREW Yeah, absolutely, go for it.

[26:21]

MATSUEDA Okay, so he does take the laptop back. His daughter is given a room in this house that he's staying at. And she starts volunteering at the local neighborhood library, and he hopes that one day she'll open a book and she'll start learning again.

And then [because he] was in the Air National Guard, he decides to try parasailing… till the very last scene, [which] is of him jumping off a mountaintop and sailing through the air, and then encountering a version of himself dying. Actually, it's more like a vampire or zombie version of him, lying on the mountainside, reaching out for him. And the wind takes him toward this figure, and then takes him away. So, that's how the book ends. So he encounters the worst part of himself, and by divine intervention, if you will—just an act of grace--he is saved from returning to, or becoming, his old self.

So, that was a story that was really important to me to tell. It kind of expresses all the things we’ve been talking about: the need for connection, the need for family, inability to tell the false from the true. Getting in touch with your feelings, recognizing your weaknesses, and trying to get help. The other thing about this man is that he doesn’t ask for help. He seeks gratification on the internet, but he doesn’t go to a doctor, he doesn’t go to a therapist, and then he’s forced by circumstances--which I won’t describe--to see a therapist, and she confronts all of his wrong ideas, his illusions and prejudices. So anyway, that’s the book.

[29:07]

MCANDREW Wow, it sounds super powerful. It really is tackling the human condition, and really bringing up this theme (or this concept) of facing ourselves and facing the best part of ourselves, and the worst part of ourselves. I like how you implement technology in there too, because I think that's something that many of us are doing online as well, is trying to curate this version of ourselves on the online space that we think might appeal to the greatest audience, or to the greatest amount of people. But then, maybe sometimes we'll look at that and we'll see “That's not really me.” I mean, you hear all the research in and the stories about the Instagram influencers who have millions of followers and [who] are just completely unhappy with their lives. And, I think that, there's a lot of crossover between that whole scenario, as well as what you were just describing in your book.

MATSUEDA Yeah, we’re bombarded with the messages to need this or want that, and then, when we get that thing, whatever it is--a new set of clothes, a new tablet, a new car, whatever--there's some fundamental need that isn't met. And that's what drives us to the next thing. You know: “This car was not enough, this set of clothes was not enough; I need this instead.”

I became really aware of this at Christmastime. Of course, it had been hovering in the background for a long time, but at Christmas, I went to all of these sales and I bought a lot of things. And then I thought, “Here I am, it’s no longer Christmas, it’s no longer New Year’s, and I still feel the impulse to buy something.” It was kind of sad. I tend to think of myself as a self-aware person, but to realize that I still have this weakness, you know, this desire for fulfillment—it was a really humbling thing. I think that’s another thing that the humanities can do for us that maybe we won't find in digital technology. It’s a sense of humility, a sense of being humbled by life… Sorry, I’m becoming very philosophical.

[31:38]

MCANDREW No, no, it’s perfect. This is the kind of conversation that I love having on this podcast, because we really are talking about what it means to be human, and what it means to connect and relate to one another. And I think, while there are a wide variety of positives with technology and where we're at technologically in today's age, I think that there's a lot of danger in technology and social media getting in the way of that sort of humanity that you were just talking about. And really, to go off what you were saying, I think we really need to lean into the humanities to really gain a deeper understanding of who we are as a human species.

MATSUEDA Yes, exactly. Who we are and where we’re going.

MCANDREW I’m wondering— it’s obviously very clear that you have… I would only assume that, given our conversation and given your experience and how deep and how relatable your relationships are in your life, it's very apparent that you have a core, deep relationship to writing as a profession, and to your own writing as well. I'm wondering if you could tell our listeners what is it that fuels this passion or this need to write, because I think that writing on a consistent basis is definitely a difficult habit to develop even if you're someone who really loves writing. So, what is it that fuels this need to write?

MATSUEDA Well, I think for me… I’m also a poet, and hearing a phrase or coming up with a phrase is sort of like hearing a piece of music. I'm fascinated by musicians, by the way, because I really feel that the music they produce, their songs, is really a kind of magic. I guess they might look at writers and say, well, what you produce is a kind of magic, too. I think the place where these two concepts meet is in the phrase. Something begins with the phrase. One of my friends got into a terrible relationship with a man. He ended up threatening her and then eventually killing her—

MCANDREW Oh my gosh.

[34:20]

MATSUEDA Yeah. I wrote a poem and it’s called “Still Center,” and you can find it actually at my website. I’ll give you the URL in a second. But it’s really a chant, and I didn't realize until after I wrote it that it was a chant. The Hawaiian chant is a very fundamental part of Hawaiian culture, and she was part Hawaiian. So it’s a chant to kind of heal the terrible thing that had happened when she was killed.

So, I think the desire to write is related to healing. It’s related to telling stories that don’t exist. That story that I was telling you about my book, Bedeviled, I’m sure exists in other forms—but not that particular form. I like to think of it as unique. Of course, that might be true, but I think of it as “This particular set of elements is unique.”

So, telling stories, healing, trying to express something that's unique, trying to give…I think artists, you too, must find this all the time: you have a strong desire to give to your community, whether it be a small audience or the theater community where you live...But it’s in giving-- giving, healing, sharing stories--that we really express, I think, what’s unique about us, and what’s the best about us.

[36:30]

MCANDREW That is super powerful. Wow. Oh, that's so good. Pat, I wanted to thank you for coming out onto the Ships podcast, for not only being on the show, but I also really appreciate the work that you're doing as a writer. I think that writing is a crucially important field today and it's, I think, only going to become more important to share each other's stories, whether they be fictional or nonfiction. I think they are a great way to really dive into our humanity and really assess who we are and what we believe, tapping into that morality that you were discussing before. So, thank you so much for everything that you do.

MATSUEDA Oh, thank you. Thank you, Pat. I didn't imagine that this conversation would develop in the way it did, so I’m really grateful to you for this opportunity to talk, and to connect with you and to connect with your listeners. I really appreciate it.

MCANDREW Absolutely. Before we head out, I’m wondering if you could share with our listeners a platform where they could find out more about you and your work.

MATSUEDA Yeah—you know, a lot of people these days have websites with URLs that are their names, but I decided to do something different. So one day, I was musing about things and I thought to myself, “I'm always trying to produce some perfect future.” And I thought, “That’s it! Some perfect future.” So that’s what I named my website, someperfectfuture.com, and people can see my writing [there] and find out about my other interests, which include photography and music and so forth. So…anyway.

MCANDREW Great! I’ll make sure to include that link in the show notes for our listeners to check out.

MATSUEDA Okay, thank you.

MCANDREW I have one more question for you, Pat. What is your definition of a deep, meaningful relationship?

MATSUEDA Oh, Pat, you have hit on something that has occupied me for most of my life, and that book that I had mentioned, Bedeviled, is about that very thing. I used to think that your partner or your mate should be absolutely honest with you, and you should be absolutely honest with him or her. And, you would only look at each other, and stare at each other, and go forward into the future like that—but I realize now that that's not so. It's more important for you to have your identity, your particular individual identity, and for your mate to have his or hers, and for each of you to make that strong. And then, when you come together in a relationship, [you] help each other. You're a helpmate, a support. You allow the other person to maybe keep things from you, or do things that he doesn't tell you about, and that, that has to be fine. But, I think there also has to be a moral foundation, and the moral foundation is that you agree to do certain things, you have certain principles that you won't violate. [You have] other principles that you will protect and you will reinforce. Sorry, that’s not a very articulate answer to your question.

MCANDREW Oh no, I thought that was great. Yeah. I think that it’s like allowing people to be their authentic selves—

MATSUEDA Right.

[40:34]

MCANDREW And then, being in harmony together while still being their authentic selves, and having a moral foundation throughout that—

MATSUEDA Yeah.

MCANDREW —whatever that might mean to each of the individuals.

MATSUEDA Yes, that’s right. Yeah.

MCANDREW That was great, Pat. Thank you so much again for coming out on the Ships podcast.

MATSUEDA Thank you for this opportunity, and this honor. Thank you, Pat.

OUTRO [41:00 to end]

I really hope you enjoyed this episode with Pat Matsueda today. She is just a ball of knowledge, and really thinks critically about how the writing profession can improve the world, specifically in our digital age. So I encourage you all to really take what she said and implement it into your own lives. So, Pat, thank you so much for joining us on the show.

If you liked this episode, please subscribe, comment, head on over to Apple podcasts and leave me a review. Or, if you have the Anchor app, feel free to call in and leave me a voicemail. Said voicemail may be released in a future episode of Ships, so feel free to call in. You also have the opportunity to support this podcast. Supporting this podcast will allow me to continue producing episodes with insightful messages and inspiring guests. So if you're interested in supporting, just scroll down into the show notes, and click the link provided. If you're interested in having me as a speaker at your upcoming event, head on over to patmcandrew.com and contact me there. I would love to speak for you and your organization, your school, or at your community event, so feel free to get in touch.

Thank you as always for tuning in to the Ships podcast, everyone. I always appreciate your insightful listening in these topics, in figuring out how we can develop more meaningful relationships with one another. So thanks for tuning in, and as always, I'll catch you in the next episode.

Welcome

mstile-310x310.jpg

To mark my 2019 birthday, I’m starting a new blog and dedicating the first post—a response to Richard Thompson’s 2018 album, 13 Rivers—to my friends at KTUH-FM.

When I was a UHM student, I volunteered for the station. Fred Barbaria was the general manager, and my teammates included Mike Holland, Russ Roberts, Ross Stephenson, and Rick Lenox. As I recall, I typed the program guide on an IBM Selectric and ran off copies on a Gestetner machine. Thinking back on those days, I’m filled with great affection for the people and great embarrassment at my terrible work habits.

Last year, I had the chance to appear on KTUH in connection with Ms. Aligned 2: Women Writing About Men. Along with Angela Nishimoto and Mary Archer, I read my writing and answered questions posed by Anjoli Roy, the host of It’s Lit with PhDJ. I am grateful to Anjoli for helping me renew my connection to KTUH.

Richard Thompson’s 2018 album

I don’t know how the creative process works. I suppose it is some kind of bizarre parallel existence to my own life. I often look at a finished song and wonder what the hell is going on inside me. We sequenced the weird stuff at the front of the record, and the tracks to grind your soul into submission at the back.—Richard Thompson

The cover of the 13 Rivers CD jacket has a color photograph of Richard Thompson sitting at a large black table.  Several framed pictures—a few with gilt edges—hang on the dark wall behind him, and below them is a charcoal-gray credenza. The depth of field is shallow so that the background and foreground are blurred but Thompson is in sharp focus. He wears his trademark beret and a black leather jacket. His narrow face comes to a point with his neatly trimmed white beard, and his hands are clasped. A smile plays about his face, and the look in his blue eyes is kind.

Inside the CD jacket is a painting by him. At the center is a wide lake from which radiate curved lines, and along these lines are handwritten the titles of the album’s songs. Mountains and forests are part of the landscape and are given their own names. For example, the song title “Do All These Tears Belong to You?” is placed next to the heart-shaped grove named Silva Amoris (“forest of love”). In comparison to the hard-driving music of most of the album, the painting is light and fresh, suggesting a quiet, benign place of creation.

Released in 2018, when he was sixty-nine, the album features thirteen Thompson compositions. In these songs, he draws from idioms as diverse as hard rock, folk, blues, and the traditional music of Britain, including its bardic storytelling, and displays his signature guitar work, backed by drummer Michael Jerome and bassist Taras Prodaniuk. Bobby Eichorn joins them on guitar, and harmony vocals are provided by Siobhan Meyer Kennedy, Judith Owens, and Zara Phillips.

The most disquieting song on 13 Rivers has to be “The Dog in You.” Rather than seeking love and fulfillment as most of us do, the “you” seeks out “the innocent, the frail” in order to hurt and exploit them. It’s tempting to think the song is about a particular individual, but many people could fit the description of a sociopath who gets pleasure, “a twinkle in [the] eye,” out of someone else’s suffering. This disturbing portrait is heightened by the slow, bluesy tempo and the sardonic twist Thompson gives the word twinkle when he utters it.

In contrast to “The Dog” are several songs in which there are spiritual or existential questions for “you.” For example, “The Rattle Within” mentions a voice that could be that of a modern conscience, something that rattles us as we go about our daily business. The imagined “you” is “fixing to win” when he experiences “that wondering deep inside.”

That voice might come when you’re taking your pleasure
That voice might come when you’re resting your bones
It’ll seek you out when you’re sad or smiling
It’ll track you down when you think you’re alone

In “My Rock, My Rope,” Thompson gives this voice a more personal quality, letting it express a desire for spiritual emancipation.

O let me be uplifted
O take this weight from me
And heal me from my demons
And forever I’ll be free.

Given the album as a whole, I don’t think these spiritual elements should be interpreted as a search for religious comfort but for a deeper, more genuine existence.

As Thompson describes it in “Her Love Was Meant for Me,” loving is also a struggle for realness and authenticity. The speaker warns a rival to “put your eyes back in their sockets / keep your paws off the upholstery / put your hands back in their pockets.” The odd placement of sockets, upholstery, and pockets in the stanza of a love song comes after lyrics that are almost courtly:

Gypsy finger traced my loveline
She’s my soul and destiny
Three times I turned the queen of hearts
Her love was meant for me.

With a hard-driving melody, bass, and drums—and closing notes that instead of fading build to a crescendo—the song asserts the rightness of a lover and the wrongness of whatever opposes him.

The questioning in the album’s last song, “Shaking the Gates,” is a surprise:

If angels are real, then who needs dreams?
Think I’ll never close my eyes again
If my feet betray me, lock the door
My heart may never be this wise again
I’m shaking the gates of heaven

The fate of the “I” is open-ended, and the voice is gentle, rueful, and accepting. The sadness here links to the resignation in the album’s opening song, “The Storm Won’t Come,” in which the speaker yearns for a purifying form of destruction:

I'm longing for a storm to blow through town
And blow these sad old buildings down
Fire to burn what fire may
And rain to wash it all away…

There's a smell of death where I lay my head
So I'll go to the storm instead
I'll seek it out, stand in the rain
Thunder and lightning, and I'll scream my name

The storm is, of course, a metaphor for events that alter a person’s life, and the music evokes not only a storm’s violence but also its potential for re-creation.

poster.jpg

Still vigorous and innovative, Thompson continues to generate excitement when he releases new work. With the tremendous energies of Jerome and Prodaniuk added to his, the engine of his music is masterfully constructed.

Thompson’s seventieth birthday will be celebrated at a special event in September at Royal Albert Hall. Shortly after, he will be in Hawai‘i to help KTUH-FM, the University of Hawai‘i’s student-run radio station, mark its fiftieth birthday.

Photo of Richard Thompson from Unhalfbricking, Fairport Convention’s 1969 album.

Photo of Richard Thompson from Unhalfbricking, Fairport Convention’s 1969 album.

Links